“What is the good of pretending to be what you are not? Well, even on the human level, you know, there are two kinds of pretending. There is the bad kind, where the pretense is there instead of the real thing; as when a man pretends he is going to help you instead of really helping you. But there is also a good kind, where the pretense leads up to the real thing.” C.S. Lewis
by Arthur C. Brooks
I just finished Love Your Enemies by Arthur C. Brooks and I can’t think of a better book for us to read as Americans right now.
Yes, I know you’re going to recommend to me a lot of books about systemic racism, or how shame is bad, or why we aren’t responsible for what other people do, or something else that’s a panacea to what’s going on right now, and you’re all correct. Those are probably good books to add to the conversation, as well. I’ll read them (or, at least try. There is only so much time).
But Love Your Enemies is different. It doesn’t presume to have all the answers, and it doesn’t think much about calls to “return to civility,” either (for example, Brooks says your friends would say you needed marriage therapy if you said you and your spouse were “civil” with each other. It’s a pretty low bar, he says). It doesn’t even think we need to agree. In fact, Brooks argues in Love Your Enemies that competition, especially of ideas, is important and critical.
What it does argue is that we need to stop holding each other in contempt because we disagree or are different from each other. We need to stop demonizing our opponents and adversaries. We need to start recognizing that even when we disagree about the policy, most of the time–if not all of the time–we share a love and a desire to make things better, to improve the lives of Americans. When we frame our conversations as debates about how to reach an outcome that is in our common interest, a discussion about the what instead of the why, then we can begin to have healthy and honest discussions again.
I am sure that I am failing to give this book the thrift it deserves, so just take a moment and go get it at the library, listen to an audio version, or pick it up from the bookstore. It’s short, it’s thought-provoking, and, honestly, its call for love over contempt even as we continue to debate the best way forward on tough issues might be the most radical thing we can do right now.
And if we can’t love our enemies, maybe we can, as I opened with this quote from C.S. Lewis, at least pretend until the pretense becomes real.
Love Your Enemies: How Decent People Can Save America from the Culture of Contempt
Broadside Books
March 12, 2019
256
To get ahead today, you have to be a jerk, right?
Divisive politicians. Screaming heads on television. Angry campus activists. Twitter trolls. Today in America, there is an “outrage industrial complex” that prospers by setting American against American, creating a “culture of contempt”—the habit of seeing people who disagree with us not as merely incorrect, but as worthless and defective. Maybe, like more than nine out of ten Americans, you dislike it. But hey, either you play along, or you’ll be left behind, right?
Wrong.
In Love Your Enemies, the New York Times bestselling author and social scientist Arthur C. Brooks shows that abuse and outrage are not the right formula for lasting success. Brooks blends cutting-edge behavioral research, ancient wisdom, and a decade of experience of experience leading one of America’s top policy think tanks in a work that offers a better way to lead based on bridging divides and mending relationships.
Brooks’ prescriptions are unconventional. To bring America together, we shouldn’t try to agree more. There is no need for mushy moderation, because disagreement is the secret to excellence. Civility and tolerance shouldn’t be our goals, because they are hopelessly low standards. And our feelings toward our foes are irrelevant; what matters is how we choose to act.
Love Your Enemies offers a clear strategy for victory for a new generation of leaders. It is a rallying cry for people hoping for a new era of American progress. Most of all, it is a roadmap to arrive at the happiness that comes when we choose to love one another, despite our differences.
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